On this day a year ago you were tragically taken from our lives. I cannot believe it has been a whole year already. It still does not feel real.
Never will that dreaded knock on the door by mum at 4am in the morning and having heard the news that ripped my heart and soul apart, words I never expected to hear… they repeat like a haunting echo, never leaving my mind…
I expected to be in a ball, crying a waterfall of tears today but not as yet. Perhaps I have been cried all out? On your birthday I felt it the hardest. Maybe that day I experienced a sense of the reality and today I am just numb? I am I beginning to accept the truth? Many questions I as yet cannot answer.
Nonna and I went to the gardens today to see you. My first time being there since your ashes and plaque had been put in. I have avoided it all this time, feeling not ready to face what may be a hard cold slap of reality. I had planned all along that no matter what today I would go there.
Nonna called and asked if I wanted to go with her the answer of course was yes. We stayed for a while, fixing up your flowers and staring at your photo and chatting about how we still cannot accept this to be true. No tears were shed, they sun was shining nice and warm. Nonna even shared a joke with me; I know you would have had a laugh over it.
We went over to see Noels and it was then and there I decided that I do not like this place. Shane and Noels you are not there, you are here with us in spirit. Always in our hearts. We will meet again, just because we cannot see you anymore your spirit is very much felt.
A week ago you came to me in my dream, I was so happy there you were in the shop walking towards me into the kitchen. I asked you if you were here to tell me you are ok and you smiled at me with that cheeky smile… It felt so real.
At 1.20am this morning when I was setting my alarm to wake, my ph froze on your picture which is on my home screen. There all light up his picture the time 1.20am and the date the 31st of July. It stayed for a good minute and I laid there wondering “where you giving me a sign?”
There have been many stories from us all. Many unexplainable things that give us hope.
I don’t know what in life is real and what is not in regards to life, death, spirits, miracles, etc., but choosing to believe your spirit lives on with Noels, David and grandpa gives me hope and eases my heart. With that belief slowly I will learn to accept and trust that we will all be together when it is our time to leave this earth and time for our sprits to be set free…
♥ Loving you and missing you each and every day ♥
♥ Tash ♥
